Valentine's Day?

Sorry Bitches. M is a dumb shit and accidently moved this and doesn't know how to move it back. Ha. You know you love me

Yup it's right around the corner. The most dreaded holiday of the year, Valentine's Day. Fuck! Shit! UGh! Might be the first thing that pop's into your head when you hear people mention V-Day. Well it's going to happen so you might as well make the best of it. So what's the right way to go about celebrating this day?
Well S and M of course will be each other's valentines.  DUH! A) we are both fucking hot. B) BFFS HELLLOOO. C) We are totally in love with each other. So we realize most of you can't keep up and might fall short of our amazing day together. Well don't worry we will sympathize with you, and give you some fucking awesome ways to celebrate this day!
        Let's Start at Square One: If you don't have a mate.
       You might think you have it the worse of any other situation. But being alone on valentine's day can actually be a lot of fun! ( not that S and M would know, because guys are always coming after us). Anyways, first off it's a great excuse to go buy a vibrator and have some fun with your self. Okay I know what you thinking. Scary!!! But seriously you need to enjoy all of yourself on this day, and I mean ALL of your self. Do it, you won't regret it. No one deserves not to get some on this day, even if it's from yourself! Now that you have got your pleasure covered, think of three things that you LOVE to do. Hello,this day is about love! Make a spa appointment, go on a hike, pick out your favorite movie, get/make your favorite food. This day is about you, you independent Biotch! Don't you dare sit on your couch and mope eating ice cream and watching He's Just Not That Into You, The Notebook, or whatever lame as fuck movie you can think of to make yourself feel like shit.; thinking your pathetic for being alone. Your Great, you are freakin HOT, and Don't need a man! Make this a day about yourself. Be a Selfish Slut!
   Now let's just say you've been hooking up with a guy for a while, and there is a possibility for him to ask you to be his so-called "Valentine".
      Okay a couple  of things you should know, is that guys don't like to be alone just as much as girls. However, he might be a huge douche bag, and be hooking up with another girl at the same time as you( or something along those lines). In this cause He really is a flaming douche bag, and obviously not worth your time, and you should probably refer to the previous paragraph. If this isn't the case, still don't expect anything. This day already carries so many expectations, and it will only make it worse if you think he's going to send you flowers or take you out on a date or other cliche valentine's day activities such as these. Take everything with a grain of salt this day, and don't be a bitch towards him if he doesn't do anything for you. Relationships aren't about doing things for each other, and that's a terrible way to start out. Instead, act like it doesn't bother you (because it shouldn't!). And if he doesn't ask you have a back up boy. Duh! And I know you have one, we all have one. And if he does ask you out on a date or whatevers.. "Good for you, You Stupid BITCH"!
Finally, the more serious of the three. This is the case that probably has it the worse. Like I said previously, there are so many expectations on this day. Being in a relationship makes these expectations even worse. But chill! Your guy isn't dumb, even though sometimes you might think so. He's going to try to please you in the best ways he can and knows how on this day. Just be grateful you get to spend the day with him and get to have a valentine. Some girls would kill for one on this day.
So Get some on this day you Whores!


XOXO
Stay GolDAMN
S & M

So You Wanna Be an Actor Huh?

Dressing up shouldn't just be for halloween. The bedroom is a great place for being a sexy cop, a playful bunny, or a hot nurse. Guys think more than you think. Meaning you have to keep them entertained you fucking biotches. Since, S and M are the fantasies of every guys imagination, we are going to help level the playing field to you other hot sluts.
First off, you have to know what your guy is interested in. For example, if he is into sports dress up as a cheerleader, and help make him score. Or if he's not into school, dress up as a school teacher and teach him a lesson in detention. Or if your guy loves the stars dress up as Princess Leia, and play with his lightsaber. There are so many roles you can play when fulfilling your man's dirty mind.
Second, you have to be playful in role playing. Confidence and Sexy flirtation is a must( for pointers about these qualities see our "Art of a Strip Tease" blog). Get super into the role. This will spice up the sexual tension, and leave room for an ultimate gasm. Trust me ladies if you walked into your guys bedroom dressed up as a french maid he's bound to oil spill in his pants.
Thirdly, if your still kind of confused you should probably go watch some porn. And I don't mean soft porn. Watch some dirty, kinky fucking porn. Hellooooo, your man obviously watches porn, and if you don't think so your fucking dumb. So he's seen the Heather Brooke moves and Jenna Jameson scenes, meaning you can get as freaky as you like. If he watches it, he's gotta like it. So get freaky bitches!!
Role playing can spice up your sex life, which, let's face it, is the backbone to any relationship. Bad sex=BYE BYE whereas amazing sex=more amazing sex! Ladies you have the power to make your relationship fucking hot!

WALK OF SHAME or WALK OF FAME

Wanna know the only test that will truly tell you if you're a slut or not? Here it is
     In your entire life how many walks of shame have you had to do? More than 1? SLUT

But Seriously, the walk of shame is inevitable. 99% of college girls have done it and that 1% that hasn't is only because they only hook up with Freshman boys so obviously they stay at their crib with the little boys rather than drunkenly making their way out to the dorms.

The only reason the walk of shame sucks is because you have to trek back to your place carrying your heels either sporting an oversized sweatshirt over your ho dress or some giant ass basketball shorts and your cleavage bearing top. The outfit is a big ole no no in real life, but that dreaded morning after its about the best you can do. While yes, your feet do hurt, your makeup is smeared down your face, and you have morning after hair, don't focus on that. Focus on the GolDAMN!

S&M think you should stop being such pussys about the walk of shame. We've never done it because we don't drink or party or go home with boys like all you sluts, but you need to own up to it. The walk of shame means that you were looking so fucking good the night before that you got some. YOU GOT SOME. YOU ARE A HOT PEICE OF ASS. So stop dreading that walk of shame, call it the walk of fame and be proud that you did it and made it through (unless you have a make it past Planned Parenthood in the morning and than your a Dumb Ass).

Enjoy your college and non-thinking days while you can. Soon enough you're gonna be stuck with one guy who farts in his sleep, is balding and has a beer belly and wish that you could grab your heels and high-tail it out of there. (We wont, S&M will never settle for anything like that. but you probably will.)

LOVE
S&M

OMFG I think I hooked up with that guy

Being a slut has its cost. M and I wouldn't really know about that, but we do know that there is a price to pay for being a whore. Well apart from  Herpes or having the Clap, there are those awkward run in days, months, and sometimes years after you've hooked up with someone. There are somethings you can do though to make these encounters a little less dramatic. So, Don't worry Hoe's, S and M have got the remedy!
Your amazing and Hot, and this is what you have to remember at all times. Meaning that if you run into him tell them how fuckin' fantastic you are doing. Even if it's a lie. Try to be as least awkward as you can. Situations are only as bad as you make them. Unless this guy looks like sasquatch or has a dick like a muskrat, take a chill pill ( if they really do, then RUN BITCH RUN). As long as you make it seem like your doing better off than he is, which you honestly probably are, you'll be in clear water.

Let's just say that the guy you run into was the worst hook up of your life. First off, stop being such a drunk slut and choose your men more wisely. Second, the best thing to do is avoid him at all possible cost. Chances are he probably thought you were just as bad as he was. So save yourself the embarrassment, and flee the sight of the spotting asap.

Seeing these men or boys can be like seeing a tiger walking down the street. It is shocking! But remember stay calm and stake out your plan of action. Whether you thought he was awesome between the sheets or you fell asleep 30 seconds in because he bored you to death, you're going to survive these awkward run ins. Just realize that they are inevitable. If you could drunkenly find each other one night then chances are you're probably going to see each other sober, so either learn to deal or keep those legs closed.

Love you Sluts
GolDAMN
S & M

Welcome to Canada...AYE!

Ohhhh yes S&M are heading out for college weekend to good ole whistler. We're excited to get "drunk as shit" with our friends up north and the bitches we brought along. If you see us out buy us a shot or two... Or three.... Or four... ;) Ya never know if you'll get lucky. Just try and behave yourselves (although we don't promise to...) and let's all have the time of our lives this weekend. No matter where the fuck you are


Love
S&M

We've all got them... DAMMIT

The psycho ex
The what the fuck was I thinking
The omg she totally outchicked him
The "beer goggle" relationship

Having an awful relationship sucks. But nothing is worse then when after the breakup the other person goes crazy. This has been a very recent topic of conversation for S & M and we're literally fed up. If its over its over.  Please Don't be psychopathic about it.

Here's the thing. No matter how crazy you are before the fact (seeing as S & M are pretty crazy) becoming more crazy after the parting of ways is never a good thing to do. No one wants to have to deal with your shit. No one. We're broken up for a reason. I'm gonna go out and be with other guys. I'm gonna take them home and its gonna be amazing. You gonna see me out and I'm gonna look hot. SORRY. But that doesn't mean you should become so crazy that at points we literally fear for our safety. If you become a crazy ass please stay away. We want literally nothing to do with you.

Just last week M's ex, we'll call him RST, decided to take the psycho route. He was moving and still had some of her shit, so of course she texts asking if he'll set it aside and she can get it later in the week. He replies to come get it now, but obviously she can't because she has other plans with hot male undewear models so replies no but she'll get it ASAP. Well this just wasn't good enough for RST. Later when M and her roommates return home they find a garbage bag on their doorstep full of her clothes, shoes, jewelry, ripped up pictures of the two of them, ripped up pictures of her dogs, broken picture frames, broken glass everywhere, notes that she had written and exchanged gifts. REALLY? That's pretty sad.

She doesnt care about the sentimental shit okay? She just wanted her sexy ass clothing back, not the pictures that you can no longer look at because your a shit-tard.

M is not the only person with psycho ex's though. We all have them. And S does too. The thing is that after the break up the guys realize how fucking awesome and hot we are. SORRY BUT ITS JUST A LITTLE TOO LATE NOW. No matter how psycho you get our sexy asses will NEVER be getting back with your sorry saggy balls. SEE YA

Ladies, When you ex-boy starts showing signs of the crazy please run for the hills. You have always been better off without him. Plus, WHAT THE FUCK were you thinking dating him in the first place?

Forever GolDAMN,
S & M

TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY

To one of our most dedicated followers:



HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF
you little slut
WE lOVE YOU.
Hope you get some tonight.
Make us proud! ; )




Love
GolDAMN
M & S

You sir, are an ASS

Want to know the one way that you AREN'T gonna get any? Yell something vulgar or sexual out of our car window and than drive away like a little pussy. REALLY BITCH?? Honestly, its not a compliment to hear, "Hey sexy baby can you handle my stick shift?" as your driving past. No I do not want to climb into your 95 Honda and get it on. You are an idiot.
   Just tonight S and I were walking into Target (the death of our credit cards FYI) and had two cholos yell out their windows about how sexy and hot we were and how they want to be in between our legs. UMM Well first of all we know we're hot. So please think of something more creative than that. And Second of all You are gross.
    Here's the thing. If you came up and approached us, started a conversation, and than asked us out, your chances of getting a number or a date would increase by 1232143523523408%. I love being approached by guys because it shows that you actually have a ball sack (and I do love me some good balls) If you actually came up and were a man about it, I would honestly probably go on a date with you. You may not get any, but hey who knows! This kinda goes for all girls too, and since all girls aren't as good lookin as S or M, you chances increase even more. (But then again not all girls are as slutty as us, so maybe not).

So why don't you stop being a little pussy ass, roll up your blacked out windows, get out of your bro-mobile, and come up to us girls and talk. It'll most likley pay off.
And if not, than you're probably destined to be alone, so stock up on some good porn, practice with shake-weight and get to be your own best friend.

Forever GolDAMN
M & S

Do girls Masturbate?

M and I recently came across this question, and we have to be completely honest..YES! Girls are extremely shy about it though. Imagine if a girl went around telling you that she just watched some hard-core lesbian porn last night. You would think she is a freak and probably a slut. Girls have a fine line of sluttness. Any little move that they do they could win the trophy of SLUT OF THE WEEK or MOST IMPROVED WHORE. Anyways, this is the reason girls don't flaunt masturbation. However, if you ask them, in the proper situation, you might get a giggly reaction telling you how much they actually do enjoy it. And if they tell you no, they are fucking lying. 

We are Humans. We are Horny. And Men can't be there 24/7 to please us. While most of us girls love when guy get's us off or girl for M and My case, we do love the occasional self rub down. 

For those of you girls who do deny it. Seriously grow up! This is completely natural for everyone to do. 

So think of the naughties thing you can or look up some good old porn, and get to flickin'!

GolDAMN 

S & M 

GIVE ME SOME BOOBIES

How much is too much?

Let's see here. Men love some boobies. BIG BOOBIES. See but here's the thing. M has got some BIG ole boobies going on. And the boys likey. ALOT. But that doesn't mean thats all the boys want. S has got some spankin tatas as well. And lets just say the boys want what she's flauntin.

Its not all about size though[although size does matter ;)] but about how you flaunt them. Boobs are a woman's power. With some tits and a little show a woman can make a man her bitch. Seriously. S and M have done it before and we'll do it again and again. Now S and I aren't asking you to go around showing some nipple cause that's not what ANYONE wants to see when they're walking around (unless your sending some kinky ass nakey pics to your significant other like S and I send to eachother) but cleavage is a must when going out. ladies boobs are sexy. And they're sexy because they're special to us. Don't try to hide them. S and M love some boobies. We love eachother's. We love yours. So please don't be afraid to show them off. Feel free to inbox us some pictures. We love surprises.

Cumin' into a New Year

Whatsuppp!? The GolDamns are back! We cannot wait for great 2011, and all the interesting, LAF (legit as Fuck, for those of you who are slow) post that we will be continuing to do this year! 
M & I have been hiding out this break doing stuff only hot as shit college girls do; however, we are ready to bring in the new year right with you guys. 
So stay tuned in to our blog, and be prepared to have your mind blown ( or whatever it is that you like blown) 
Yeah Bitch!
S & M