Give Your Man Something XXX-Tra Special This Year

M and I are the best gift givers. Let's just say we aim to please. And when we aim to please we do it right. So let us help you with some gifts that your man might actually like this year.
      Cut the bullshit gifts: the scarf from H&M, the lame T-Shirt that you "just love so much", or the infamous picture of you guys in Fame. Lame, Lame, and Lamer!
Give him a gift that he's going to use and remember... YOURSELF!
ahhh sounds selfish huh? But you don't think of your self as lame do you? ( if you do stop reading you're SOL)
The best first piece of advice I can give is FSL...Fucking Sexy Lingerie! Take a visit to M and I's favorite store VS, and explore your options. Bring your girls with you, making a fucking day out of it. And don't be afraid to get crazy! The kinkier the better!
When displaying this FSL for your man there are some tips to remember.
Set him up for it. Make him want it. Give it to him.
A lot of girls concerns when dressing up for their man is timing. The best thing I can tell you is go with the moment. You can be dressed up on the bed when he comes home. Or if you don't have that privilege follow these easy as shit steps.
      1) lurer him to the place where it's going to go down.
      2) tease him for a bit ( your making him want it duh)
      3) when he starts to take off those clothes tell him to wait a minute you have to use the bathroom
      4) Come out in the FSL
BAM!
Some other good gift ideas could be: massage oils accompanied by an actual rub down, body desserts that you can play in between the sheets with.
Most importantly, be creative when your giving yourself to your guy for christmas.
Make him feel like santa really did cum this year.

p.s. when doing these things for your man a blow job should be a given! Okay? So Stop being stingy. Come on ladies 'tis the season for giving!

Why Wait??

Honestly think about your girl. She's probably way out of your league. SERIOUSLY. 

So what are you waiting around for to ask her to be yours? To only pleasure your driving stick. 

Guys have this tendency to wait around to ask a girl to be his girlfriend. And its really pissing us off. The longer you wait around the more likely she is to find a new, hot, Australian, male underwear model. (Yes that's right... M is dating one). But really guys, if you don't want to lose her than make her yours! Its not a promise of marriage so stop freaking out. The girl isn't gonna turn you down if you do it right so make it special.

And from past experiences, We can tell you that EVERYTHING gets a whole lot better once the BF and GF labels are put in place. Your girl will most likely get crazier with you (yes, hard to believe for M & S but its the truth) and will no longer second guess you when you tell her to "Make You a SANDWHICH"

When in a relationship the girl feels better about herself. She no longer has to feel like a slut to get frisky in the sheets with you. Not that feeling like a slut is a bad thing, it can be pretty fucking great. But you'll love the advantages of finally being in that dreaded relationship. 

• MORE NAKED PICTURES
• MORE NAKED COOKING
• MORE NAKED VIDEO GAMES (wait what? your girl doesn't play naked video games? damn. You need to start hanging out with M & S)
• MORE NAKED MASSAGES
• MORE NAKED  PLAYTIME WITH TOYS
• MORE NAKED EVERYTHING

Does that not sound amazing to you? So go whip out the credit card. Buy your girl some sexy lingerie and ask her to be your little love bug. We hear that bugs do it like 80 times a day anyways....

The Art of a Strip Tease

Probably one of the more awkward things to do behind those closed doors, right?

However, let's think about this.
M and I go clubbing all the time, and when were not being surrounded by guys we see what goes on the dance floor. Nasty, grimy, dirty dancing fucking. Yeah we are all guilty of it.
But why are we such pussies at it behind closed doors?
So come on ladies and give the men what they want! 
Men are about 70% visual. So what could be better than a strip tease right before you put those puckered lips around his cock-a-doodle-doo. 


Shit, if you can do it on the dance floor at a club in front of everyone, why can't you do it for your man? 
So, here are some tips M and I have made up to pitch your man's tent without even touching it. 


The key to any good sex move that you make on your man is confidence. Which of course M and I have a lot of, because we are hot bitches and we know it! (See that is confidence. You have to not just think your sexy, but know you are sexy). I know you women hear this all the time, but confidence is HOT!  So don't question yourself for a second!


Next, you have got to have the moves! If you are a little shaky about this try out a pole dancing class or even zumba. Something along these lines are going to make you more flexible, and wayyyyy more confident in those moves you put on your man. (PS M, x-mas present! Hint Hint wink wink)


Okay so here's how a perfect, yet very flexible, strip tease could play out. 
You head to the bedroom, and you know what is in store for your man. yet, he has absolutely no idea, which excites the shit out you. Play rough with him by throwing him on the bed with a nice push or hand cuff him to the bed frame if you like kinky ass shit like that. Play some sexual music to get those hips swaying. Tease him! Slap Him around! Get into it! Talk dirty to him for christ sakes! AND TAKE OF THOSE CLOTHES, one move at a time! Take off his clothes just as much as you take off yours. The hands and hips are the most essential aspects when doing a strip tease. Play with your body, and let your hands explore you and your guy. 
Trust me, even if you do these simple little things before the actual dirty deed there is no way your guy will be able to resist you. Not to mention return the favor in some way. 
This can go for guys to. 
Guys girls eat this shit right up. You may think it's weird, but any guy who can pull of striping down while acting like a chip n' dales dancer is a fucking MAN! 
SO GET CRAZY YOU FUCKERS! 


Love, 
M & S

Girls Who Don't Give Head

Which one of our reasons do you
think he just told her?

Yes. That's right. They do exist. No long are these women in hiding. They're coming out (but not cuming out hahahahaha....) of their closet and letting the men know that, "NO they are not gonna go down THERE!" This is bullshit right? Well that's what the men are saying, and S & M have to agree.

SO. We've decided to put together a list of reasons to tell these girls why they should. Feel free to print it out and hand it off to your honey. Because lets be real here, its time these ladies get down on their knees.



1. Makes it easier to take a BeerBong or Shotgun in college. Learn to swallow big right?
2. Their husband is gonna MAKE them do it. You're just trying to let her practice so that she can please her husband later. Just call you the Good Samaritan
3. Its almost christmas time. And you waited in line for 3 hours to see Santa (something S & M plan on doing) and all you asked for was a BJ (not what we're asking for... but close)
4. You can't put on a ring on this girl's finger until you see how she performs
5. You respect her sacred area. You love her sacred area. You don't want to defile her sacred area. So the next option is...
6. You heard there is a reputation going around about your girl.... that she's a tease. You hate it when people talk bad about her like that. So you really wanna help fix the situation
7. School is really hard. You're working your ass off to be able to graduate and get a high paying job so that you can support her shopping habit later in life. You just want her to be happy. But you're so stressed... There is only one way you can think of de-stressing. Its for her future!
8. You were in church the other day, yes baby that's right- church, and you could have sworn you heard that guy up front saying Eve did it for Adam...
9. Remember that time you bought her that _________? Didn't she say she owed you one?
10. Say the 3 magic words. She won't be able to resist.

If these don't work for you than you should probably just give up. Seriously.

Seriously. You AREN'T an XXL

A wise man once said, "The worst STD is a child."
Well actually that wise man is just mine and S's crazy friend, and we'll just call him Penguin Boy. Well PB has a lot of great things to say but this has got to be one of the best I've heard so far.

And if you think about what he said it's true. So why do men refuse to buy a fucking condom that actually fits? We all know that you aren't a XXL Trojan man. So why do you insist on buying them? Honestly. You probably aren't even an XL magnum. So stop buying the ones that don't fit. Not only will better fitting condoms make the performance better, but we wont have to be worried about it slipping off your eensy beensy weenie. Not that all of you fabulous men shouldn't be proud of what you've got. You should, but lets not get crazy you know? Ya ya ya we realize you don't wanna go buy condoms labeled "small" but in this situation its not all about you okay?


Go buy some of the good ones that are for "her pleasure" or the new favs being welcomed on the block "Ecstasy" and she'll be so please with you you'll probably go through the whole box tonight. Glow in the dark is always fun, but to be honest it could scare the shit out of your girl.

So go out there and stock up on what you need but don't get carried away. Lets buy some socks that actually fit the cocks okay?

LOVE
M & S

PDA

 

      M and I are both guilty of PDA. The dreaded holding of hands in public, the omg they just kissed in public, and yes even the they are so cute I wanna throw up in public.
Guess what? These are okay!
There is something that we like to call FGPDA( fucking gross public display of affection) that really is fucked up to do in public. And don't think that you are getting away with it, because M and I are calling you out.
     First off,  lets talk about Facebook PDA. It is not unusual for both parties to have a facebook while dating or hooking up or whatever the hell college kids want to call it. Yes, the occasional smiley face or the inside joke or even YouTube post is okay. Saying happy birthday with a heart and a I Love You is alright, still kinda gross but whatever floats your boat. The stuff that people really don't want to see would be the wall postings back and forth about your day to each other, how much you love the other person, or status's about your anniversary. NO ONE FUCKING CARES! Not to mention, no one wants to see it. Why don't you call up who ever it is that your fucking and tell them you love them on the phone or tell them a play by play about your day. No one wants to hear about. You are not that important, and if you were we would follow you on twitter.
     Secondly, actual PDA. Places where this is acceptable: At your house, at a party, or in your bedroom. Places where this is not acceptable: the mall, school campus, outside your house, at a park, in a classroom, at the store. I don't care if you have been dating since you were born, STOP fondling your tongues in front of everyone. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to see that. You know whats even worse. The dreaded hands tucked into the back pockets of your lovers ass while playing tongue tag. Come on people. NO ONE should be that white trash.
               M has real life story of this that she would like to share with you all:
"Okay so during the dreaded winter months my family drags me to our ski cabin up in Northern Idaho. Ya I mean, sometimes its great but being snowed in on top of a mountain (seriously. ON TOP) gets to be a little much. What I look forward to is that weekly trip to the county Walmart. Well on my most recent trip it must have been bring your entire redneck family to Walmart day because everywhere I looked I was bombarded with cousin couples. But the worse had to be the two standing in front of me in line. Making out as they were waiting in their flannels and trucker hats buying nothing but some beef jerky and a large box of condoms. Really people. REALLY?? No one wants to see that."

Seriously, if you have to do that much in public you obviously aren't giving your man enough in bed ( this can go for men too).
Here's a suggestion: take your man to your room right now and suck his dick.
Enough said!
STOP WITH THE PDA!

TOP 5 MOVES WE THINK YOU SHOULD TRY

We promise he'll shudder the next time he sees you

Are you looking for those moves that will drive your man wild. The kind that will have him drooling over you all day long, at work, at the game, at home? These are guaranteed to be showstoppers

5. Try being rougher in bed. Through on some kinky duds and show him who's boss. Push him around, tie him up, whatever you feel like. You're in charge now. And he's gonna love it.

4. Grab his ass. Whether you're in the middle of the act or he's about to... LAUNCH it'll feel amazing. Plus, if he gets to do it to you than why can't you return the favor?

3. Maintain eye contact with him as you go... well you know where. It shows you have a confidence that is irresistble and brings the whole "encounter" to a whole new intensity.

2. If your feeling really frisky put on a strip tease for him. Throw on some sexy lingerie (if you need help, we are masters at picking out the sexiest most jaw dropping worthy pieces) under one of his Tees or a Blazer and sit him down as you start taking it off one by one. Tell him he can't touch you until your done and he'll be dying by the end. If you and you guy are feeling really adventurous switch the roles and have him do one for you. I mean, after all these he owes you right?

1. Go WILD. We can't stress this enough. This is the one place in your life you shouldn't be afraid to be crazy, let your hair down, scream as loud as you can and get what you want. If your enjoying it to the fullest extent, he is sure to be too. 

So go try these on your man. We promise neither of you will be disappointed.

Special thanks to Cosmopolitan for the small contribution of the pictures

Let's Get in the Mood with Food

Eating is a big part of M and my life. Fuck yeah we'll sit there and eat a bag of chips, and you best believe we go to taco bell. Were the epitome of the American diet, only our bodies are hot as shit. Sex is another big part of our lives, even though were virgins....Anyways when it comes to sex food can play a major role in getting someone "in the mood".

So give the roofies a break, and listen up guys. 

Take your girl out to a nice dinner, or if you want extra points cook her dinner. 

Give her and yourself a glass of red wine. 

Red wine tends to make people a little frisky, plus it will take off the edge when it comes to getting in the bed. Next bring out a round of oysters. These little shooters will get a girl creamin and screamin in her pants, and its only the appetizers. For dinner, make sure you meal consist of fine red meat(B<3 style). If your girl is a vegtiarian then fuck her, she is obviously too stuck up and doesn't know the good parts of life. This meat should be saturated in garlic. Ya okay I know what your thinking bad breath, but garlic is magical! The allicin in garlic increases blood flow to the sexual organs, and not to mention it can make a guys dick harder and longer than george bush was president. Say hello to natural viagra! For dessert make sure you have bananas that are smothered in dark chocolate and topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Add nuts if you want to get crazy. Okay I don't think I need to explain why this would get you in the mood. You might as well put all these toppings on your long john silver, and have her eat it off. Because by now she is not just picturing a banana sitting on that silver plater.
If this doesn't work then obviously your a stupid fuck who isn't charming at all, and you should probably re-evaluate yourself. JUST KIDING! We aren't that cruel! 


If you allergic to any of these or are simply to bitchy and picky to eat them DON'T WORRY
There are plenty of other foods that will have your girl humping you faster than a dog in spring.
For more options visit these websites
http://www.naturalproductsmarketplace.com/articles/2009/04/21-foods-to-put-you-in-the-mood.aspx
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/sexual-health/mens-sexual-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100253814

SEXTING- Let her know its going down

v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit


Now S is the master at this. I'm not too bad myself but lets be honest, its like college football (I'm the ducks) vs the NFL.

Now sexting doesn't always have to be sexually explicit of nudie pictures (although that is what S prefers). It can also be extreme flirting or warming the person of interest up for later. Either way if you interested in sexting start slow and work your way up. It can be extremely fun, but can also be dangerous. Don't sext with someone that you don't know and be sure that you can trust the person completely if you're going to take that next step and send pictures.

But don't let the warning stop you! Sexting is extremely fun and a great way to entertain your significant other or person of interest when you can't be together. Here's some good examples of how to start of sexting.

-I am craving a Sunday, but I'm on a diet. Can I pour chocolate all over you and top you off with the cherry?" This is the perfect sexting example when two people have a good sense of humor. You can think of it as "flirting for comedians."
-Tonight... Very subtle, but also very powerful. It delivers your message, as well as excites the imagination.
-I want to feel your hands all over me! Whether from a guy or a girl it lets the other know how much you want to be with them


Anyway you sext, its a great way to enlighten your day and put a smile on your face. If you want more examples or a greater example of sexting we think that these websites are pretty great. Or should we say GolDAMN!
http://hubpages.com/hub/howtoflirtusingtextmessages
http://www.mademan.com/mm/10-hot-sexting-examples.html


LOVE: M & S

CONGRATS

CONGRATS to Avi! Our FIRST follower!

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLLLY PISSES US OFF...

people who ask for fucking advice and can't take the criticism A.K.A. yahoo answers! Take the advice and shove it down your annoying ass throat like a fat cock! J.K. we still love you anyways just stop flagging us so we can provide the needy with some good!
-S & M

BACKGROUND

       M- Let's see how do I describe M: hot, blonde, not a afraid to show some tits. Basically she is the cover of girls gone wild. But don't let this Oregonian let you think that she is a dumb blonde for one second. Sure she leaves pizza out only to eat it 3 days later ALONG WITH THE FREAKING RANCH! And she may not know how to use her brakes very well. AND she may not look both ways before she crosses the street. But this hot piece of ass has got it, and she's flauntin' it. My first impression of M was her telling a group of girls, " That she is so totally boycrazy." But really what she meant was that she was S crazy. Anyways, M is always the center of attention, and for very good reasons: Hot, blonde, shows tits...remember? I think your getting the point. M is GolDamn!

S- Well. I don't know. I mean if you look under "sexting" in the dictionary you'll probably see her picture. She's impatient, kinda bitchy, and can't keep her mind on anything for more than 1 minute... and that's why I love her. She's a crazy bitch from Sacramento (ya I know right?) about 5'8", sexy body, long luscious brown hair which I have finally convinced her to start brushing, and has been there for me every second I need her. Which is often. We get each other into a lot of trouble (mostly because we're both so hot and the boys can't resist) but that’s the best part right? I love her to death. S is GolDAMN!

REALLY?

Are you serious? Your wasting your time reading our blog? Good for you. You're probably the SHIT then... just like us.  So here's the thing. We literally are the SHIT. Do you understand that? Don't try and mess with us.

With S finally settling down with one guy and M finally single... the tides are turning. Can you handle us? probably not. So this is how you fill your spare time. Following the lives of 2 extremely hot, college girls and the trouble they get themselves into. Enjoy.