Spit or Swallow?..that is the question

Your down on your guy, you feel his one-eyed pirate about to scream arr; do you host the sails and take his precious treasure down the hatch or do you throw his semen over board? Well listen up bitches stop acting like little stuck-up sluts and swallow his good stuff! 
S and M would never encourage any type of behavior, we are just here to give you the best advice virgins can give about sex. And to be real, there is nothing sexier to a man when a woman can swallow their busted nut. Sure, no one really enjoys the taste of that white, sticky liquid, but when in rome... swallow. It shows your man your not afraid of what he has to offer, and that you like it. Think of it this way, if you were dining with royalty, you wouldn't spit out anything you did not like, would you? Of course not! It is rude! Well the same goes for the bedroom; it is bad bedroom-etiquette to spit your man's juices out. Show him that you want to please him in every possible way, and that you have the control when your down on his junk. It will make his orgasm that much better, and he will have  good thoughts about wanting to hook up with you again! There is nothing a guy likes better than good head, and swallowing is that cherry on top! 
Speaking of food, men, if you know your going to get some, help a girl out. Drink plenty of water, and if you are feeling really nice, down some pineapples! This sweet treat can turn your spoiled milk in to some sweet vanilla cream! Some other good foods to eat for a great taste are: Other Fruits, Vegetables ( but avoid those high in sulfur AKA salt), Celery, and even Cinnamon! Some foods to keep in mind that might make your load taste bad: Coffee, Garlic, Onions, Broccoli, Cigarets, and Dairy products. 
So ladies get on those knees and slurp up that good stuff! 
Remember Spitting is just rude! 


Stay golDAMN 
love, 
S&M

Dirty, dirty mind...

What do you think is on her mind??

Studies, Magazines, stories, and the Internet all tell us that boys think about sex about every 7 seconds, or at least several times a day. Well world, I may have that beat.

So to test this today I am going to count every time I think about sex, having sex, wanting sex, fantasizing, and talking about sex. Wish me luck.

Hours later….

Well. The day is over and the tally’s are in. After about 30 I lost track. Yes, that’s right. 30! I bet you had no idea right?  Seriously guys, girls think about sex a lot . We want sex a lot. The thing is sometimes it can appear slutty for a girl to initiate sex, especially when you haven’t made it clear that that is okay. While hot bitches like S&M don’t usually struggle with this problem, it happens to the best of women.

The point of this is don’t be afraid to at least try and get us in the sack. I mean come on, we know it’s all that you are thinking about. And now you know, its just about always on our minds as well. Get out there and initiate! Trust me, that is all it is going to take.   So tonight instead of just crawling into bed after that long movie, put the moves on. 9/10 times you’ll probably both get what you want,  SEX.

Forever GolDAMN

LOVE,

S&M

Make Me Go from ehhh-not-tonight to I-NEED-YOU-NOW

You know those days where your just like... exhausted? Or lazy? Or just plain old bored? YA I SAID IT. BORED! I have a lot of those days. Where all I want to do is hop in the shower, pull on my sweats (luckily I have the ability to look like a sex goddess in sweats, so don't let them fool you) and hop into bed with movie. But I know that look you are giving me. The whole "Are you kidding me we aren't going to do it?" look.  Well let me let you in on a little secret. You CAN change that. And I'm gonna tell you how to make her go from 0 to 60 in .2 seconds.

Any girl has these magic "Wow Me" spots. All you have to do is get it right and she'll be puddy in your hands. Let's go over a few of my favorite and you can try them out and see what works best for you


HOT SPOTS
The Neck: Any form of wet, sensual slow kisses on the side or back of a girls neck will drive her wild. I'm not saying suck away and try and give your bitch a hickey (that move at this time will drive her straight to bed and probably have you sleeping on the floor. Trust me, I've made many-a-man sleep on the floor). What I'm talking about are the slow, long drawn out, kisses that make a girl's knees weak. Pulling a girls hair to the side, kissing her neck and making her know that you are there, and ready, and that basically she drive you wild will have her in your arms (and in the bed) within minutes. There may need to be some making out before (and who's complaining) but you will get what you want, and what she wanted deep deep down...


The Ears: The ears are a hearth of feel goodies. The right little lick and nibble could have a girl straddling you in the time it takes her to turn off your ESPN. And that is fast. Feeling a man's breath against you face, having the warmth all of a sudden overtake you is a wild way to get your girl from wanting to put in her retainer and turn on Lifetime to having her doing a strip tease for you and leaving heels on during the dirty. A good ear seduciton shouldn't be wet. Don't use your tongue like a Q-Tip (I had a man-ho/boyfriend do that once, I literally wanted to punch him in the gonads) but instead focus on the ear lob, ya know where she has the earrings. It works a lot better if she doesn't have earrings in because no one wants a mouth full of metal (one of the reasons the Ortho always says no to BJ's with braces. Wait your's didn't tell you that? Shit well this is awkward...) so save it for a night where her jewelry is off. When it is surprise her from behind (haha...) and take a little nibble and lick at that lob. This move will seriously have her "Dripping for you." 


The Infamous Back Massage: This is so many guys' go-to move. Your woman is telling you how tired she is, how hard work was, how her back hurts, how she's stressed and you know exactly what to do. Offer the girl a massage! The back massage (especially with a little oil or lotion) is not only a great way to get your hoe naked, but also lets you make her relax, plus you'll be straddling her, and who could complain about that. A relaxed girl can easily be turned into a horny girl with just the right knead. Instead of focusing solely on the shoulders, explore the whole back. Run your hands all the way down her spine and up her neck. Go for a little side action as well (hey you may even be able to cop a feel with a little side boob). Getting your girl here and showing her how good your are with your hands will have her wanting you to show her where else you can be "handy."


Try these moves out on your girl. If you still can't get her to play a little "tickle-me-elmo" than she's probably a boring bitch anyways and not even worth the lay. Or you just suck. Either way you are screwed.


Forever GolDAMN,
S&M

No Butt to Putt

Anal Sex. As a male you may think that this is something that you want to try. But you dont. I'm sorry but nothing turns off a hot bitch more than downright anal sex. Yes, yes we know that there those people out there that definitely enjoy having your rod stuck up their pooter, but we are not those girls. And none of our friends are those girls. And none of their friends are those girls. And if your girl isn't in that group than she probably isn't worth f***ing anyways.

But lets get to the point here. No matter if you use a condom, if she's all "clean" in there... Anal sex is gross to us. Like. I almost just vomited on my computer screen gross. I don't want that up there, She doesn't want that up there, you shouldn't want to put your prized possession up there. So please just stop trying. And stop asking. The answer is NO.

Plus we know your tricky little ways. The whole "Come on baby, it will be so special. My first time and your first time." I know that line, and I know that if you're trying to use that line on me that that is not your first time that you have tried to clean the chocolate chimney with your fleshy equipment. And the answer is still no. Oooohhh or how about this line "OH BABY I was so in the moment/ drunk/ horny/ awesome that I thought it was the right hole... I'm sorry I'll get it right..."  You are a loser. You really think I wouldn't notice you trying to put your one eyed wonder muscle in my butthole? REALLY. The answer is still no.

So if you ever plan on hooking up with S&M, which we know you all do, keep your P in our V and don't let it go anywhere near my B. GOT IT?

Forever GolDAMN

LOVE,
S&M

A little added note: If you are a gay man by all means go for the anal. We totally love the gays and everything you all do. Its fun to hear you be happy. You deserve a little lovin in your one little oven. But seriously, don't try that shit on me.

Dry Spell

M and S have gone through a dry spell yes it is true. It has been a while since we've blogged, but don't be fooled we're back bitches and were ready to get our hands dirty, amongst other things. 

Doggie Wanna Bone?

Even though S and M are more into the scissoring style of sex, we all know that there are so many positions out there: The Flower press, the Vertigo, the Missionary, the Reverse Cowgirl. The list goes on an on. However, what position puts the "OOOOOOO" in OOOOOORGASM?
S and M have the answer:
DOGGIE STYLE. 
Let's face sex is better when its Ruff! And what better way for each of you to give it to each other than in doggie; we got facts.
If your a pussy and don't think you can handle some fourth grade talk about dicks and vajayjays then stop reading... but really you are a freakin' pussy.
A guys dick is shaped like a mushroom. ( Unless your Chris Brown, then your in an entirely different category). On the underside of his anaconda, or garden snake to those who largely-challenged, where the body meets the head is a little raised line. This is a mans achilles heel. When this line is rubbed, licked, touched, bit ( if you know how to do it right) then he will be moaning louder than a wild hyena. So, in order for a guy to have ultimate pleasure while having sex this line has got to be crossed. Essentially, this is a man's G-spot.
Speaking of that Let's talk about the girls. We all know about the G-Spot, its the goodie good. It is a known fact that most women don't orgasm during sexy time. That's Bullshit, and we are calling it out. HHHHelllloooooooooo, your man obviously doesn't know how to do it right. It sucks to suck, but trust me you can teach and old dog new tricks. Luckily for them and you S and M can help you out. THE G-SPOT NEEDS TO BE HIT! Period. You need to give it to your lady. Hit that clit a little bit before she gets on all fours and make her bark. And make sure when you are giving her that chaaaWAWA, that your hittin that G. And if that still doesn't do it for your biotch, then do some rub while you chub. ( rub the clit while your having sex for those of you who can't get an efing clue).
Okay, so between the snake's vein and the cave's stalactite there is one position that hits both of these dead on: Doggie. It is the Perfect position.
Ladies Bend over or get on all fours, and men nike that shit.
And remember bitches like it ruff. BOW WOW!
Stay GoldDAMN
xoxo
S & M
P.S. S & M are not saying only do doggie, Mix it up, get crazy, and have fun.
P.S.P.S. YES WE ARE VIRGINS.

Fantasizing about me?

We all have them. And they're hot. You know what I'm talking. Same Sex Fantasies.

Just because you fantasize about someone of the same sex doesn't mean your gay or lesbian (I mean it could.... but thats not a fo sho case) Having a naughty dream about some hot celebrity (or even about your BFF like S&M do) is a perfectly normal thing. And we think you should do it all the time!

I enjoy a good lesbian fantasy every now and then. I even enjoy a good lesbian night every now and then. But that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian for all time! I just love making out and the human body, whether that be  a man's or a woman's. And you should feel the same. Be open with having those hot erotic dreams and fantasies, no matter who they're about!

There is nothing wrong with experimentation. Whether it be in your dreams or in real life. Just be secure in who you are and know for sure whether you like the stick or the hole (penis or vagina if your slow....)

Guys have a problem with this because they're so afraid that if they think about another man and his unmentionables (geez im just gonna come out and say it. PENIS) that they're automatically gay. But hey you have one too so why not play with someone elses in your dreams. As long as its not all you think about we really don't see anything wrong with it. Go ahead and have your little day dreams. Just think about me 99% of the time and him 1%. (And you better not call me Steve in bed)

My mom put it best one time saying,"M, you are not a slut. Your just a drunk Lesbian. And nothing is wrong with that."

The bottom line is to not freak out if you have a little lesbian fantasy or even a little gay one. As long as you know what you want in the long run there is nothing wrong with letting your mind wander.

Forever GolDAMN
S&M